Positive thoughts and repercussions

When I started this blog I made the decision not to make it about the bad times of my illness but to try and focus on the good times and the things I have learnt. I don't want people feeling sorry for me and for my family to read I am not happy but I do want people to understand Chronic Fatigue is not just being tired, Chronic pain means pain ALL the time and Fibromyalgia is evil and depressing.
So, I do spend an awful lot of time not being able to do anything and I mean anything. I can't post on my Facebook. I can't write a Blog post. I have been trying to get my Almond Milk post out to you for over three weeks now and I am just unable to do it. I do get these times where although I am here and able to stay awake. I am unable to be here online.
So I need to find away to be here without actually being here :D
I have just found a new blogger Hope in Pain, click the link to check her Blog out. She calls her bad times her "funk" I think this is great and I am looking for upbeat, happy words I can call my down times. Any idea's?? Leave a comment here or pop over to my Facebook page - My life and loves and let me know if you have any suggestions.

Which brings me to why I opened my laptop today to write this post. It can't always be good, fun and full of lovely photo's. There are still many bad days and I do want to document them. I have no idea why. I would rather that if I have to have bad days they will just come and go as quick as they can and I can forget them but they are still such a huge part of my life and something that needs to be addressed and so on these days I try really hard to bring positive thinking into my day.

I try to think positive but sometimes this illness makes me so weak I actually don't have the strength to think positive. When I am feeling stronger though I can think positive. Just a while ago I went away for a few days, This in itself is a nightmare what with fatigue and pain, so I wont go into that today, I just wanted to share a positive thought whilst feeling quite low as I do believe it helps.
Cutting a long story short, I was away, I had got a lift to the local shops and planned to get a bus or Taxi back. I had forgot it was Bank Holiday and so was stranded. So I had to walk!! I started off at a slow limping pace. I was already shattered from the walk around Tesco but had to get back to my B&B. As I was walking I was thinking of the pain in my leg and hip and the energy I would loose and suffering I would have to bare doing this walk and then all of a sudden I thought. Why not just actually enjoy this. The beautiful country side around me, The warm weather, not to hot and not too cold. The wind that was just tickeling around me and so I did.

 I actually took in my surroundings and thought positive and you know what .... The pain and fatigue and the dragging motion left me. I remembered to stand correctly as I have been shown by my physio, relax my posture and really took in my surroundings. Don't get me wrong. The pain was still there and the fatigue was too but it was not pulling me down. The positives were taking over and I was enjoying the circumstance I was in. Once I got back to the B&B and rested and freshened up. I googled the post code of Tesco and of where I was staying and found out I had walked 1.2 miles!! I couldn't belive it. I would never of said I could have walked 1/2 mile but I did and although I would suffer later it was great to know I could and did do that, Which brings me back to today and why I want to jot this down. Today is a weak day but I did get to go away and yes, when I got home after 4 nights away. The fatigue was overwhelming and I really honestly did not have enough energy to get those positive thoughts going again. I was shattered, exhausted and emotionally drained. I am however stronger than before as I now have this new memory of this walk I did and the knowledge that I am getting stronger and the more strength I have the more positive thinking I can get into my life. There will be days when I can't write posts. This is hard. so so hard but I know/hope in the long run the low times will get less and hopefully these down times will be fewer but I do just want to document some of these down times as they are horendous and so hard to describe.
All I want to do is have a nice soak in the bath but I am just unable to do this. To walk to the bathroom is at the moment feeling like a 10 mile walk up hill.... Everything today is like that constantly walking up hill, such a struggle but I do know that as soon as this bad day is over I will have the strength to think positive and be back to posting soon.
xx



 photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/48889035406@N01/139818634">Tree in rape field</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/">(license)</a>