June, cake and update

 I have just found this post unpublished from back in June time. Seems a shame not to publish it as it is so hard for me to write them some times :-)
Oh wow, Been away from my Blog longer than I meant but for good reasons, not bad. For once I have not been sleeping the days away. I have been busy, super busy :-)
I stayed at my daughters for a few days looking after the Grandchildren while she went away for a few days. This was hard but very rewarding. However exhausted, tired and sore I was. Each night I was so proud of what I had achieved that day. I really enjoyed my time with my Grandchildren. Thinking that I would probably crash and burn after this. I had actually agreed to make a Cake for my Friend. So had more to push me on. I have been trying to decorate Cakes for a while now and just cannot get it. I am never fully happy with my Cakes. I can see they are good for a learner but I just cant get the finish to be better. I don't think I will ever get to a sale able standard so I make cakes for cost to friends and Family. This is the one I made this Week.

I had a bit of a nightmare as I had some Edible printed sheets made to go on but I couldn't get them peeled of the backing without crumbling. So I had to go for Figures. They work just as good but would prefer everything to be edible. I am happy with this Cake but wish I had taken more time over the Rainbow as it is very messy but good for a first try. Plus it was 1am when I started the rainbow and 2am when I got to bed last night.
So obviousy when writing this in June I was feeling good but I am now going through quite a hard time. I have done lots and lots since June as I seem to have kept the motivation to make things going but just seem so down and tired all the time. I think I am expecting too much from myself really as there have been a lot of changes.
Although I am not feeling too good, I have agreed to take on making the evening meal every night. Which is huge really when back a few Years ago I couldn't even stand the sight of most foods. I can seem to push past the fatigue and get this done and I feel very good at the end of the day knowing I have achieved this.I have been doing this for about 3 weeks now. So that is a good new routine I have made :-)
I have been quite up and down since June. Feeling guilty for not blogging, wanting to get so much done and not being able too but actually sleeping very well. I had to give up the magnesium baths because I couldn't afford the flakes and the Tablets because I couldn't get out to get more at the time. I have since had my bloods done and apparently I am not lacking in anything but really want to take my results to my specialist. Unfortunately I had to cancel my last appointment with him as was just too poorly to go out. So really need to remake an appointment to see him but things like this just seem to be too much for me at the moment. I am just happy plodding along in my own little world although I could do with more energy please.
Well that is a quick update on where I am today. I hope it is happier next time I get here. I have also started writing back on my Craft Blog here as well. So that is huge also as something I have wanted to do but just never had the motivation. So really I am doing lots.... it is just my mind thinking I am not. Probably because the Blog is more a mental thing than physical?? Not sure but really helps if you think things out and truly see what is going on..... I can't seem to last a whole day without feeling exhausted at 4pm ish and thinking of all those lost hours that I could be Crafting or Working is quite sad but I suppose what I need to focus on is what I am actually getting done between 9am and 4pm because last Year... it wasn't much.... just a lot of sleeping!!
I'll leave it there with that bit of information for me to process :-)

Did they work?

Well not sure if it is the Epsom Salts, the writing things down or the fact that I have spent most of the last three weeks resting in bed but I feel different today. My head feels clear and although I still feel tired, I feel I may be able to push on. This is a good feeling. Three years ago, even a year ago I was unable to push on. I thought I had lost my life and was going to be bedridden for ever. My Doctor has been amazing. He has really been on this journey with me learning and listening to all the information I have found out. Looking up the Medication I have heard about that helps and once checked it out has prescribed it for me to see how I get on. I am not on huge amounts of Meds but what I do take I feel really helps me and don't think I am in a place to give them up like some people are doing. I only ever take the smallest amount possible because I react quite severely to them. Like when I was first given Codeine I just used to take half a tablet and this helped. I really don''t understand people who say they are on handfuls of Tablets but they don't do anything...... Well why take them then? I hate to discuss medication really because I think it becomes a "who takes the most" quest but it is something I need to touch on as it is a huge part of my life. 
The crowning moment was when I got prescribed Pregabalin. It is quite a funny story really as my Mum also suffers with symptoms a lot like mine and has also been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. She got given Gabapentin and was having a really good time on them. Meaning she was up about and active. Feeling very well. So I went to my Doctor to tell him about these tablets and see if he thought I could try them......Well as some of you know one of the other symptoms of this illness is forgetfulness and what we call Brain Fog or Fibro fog. I get a lot of this and in particular this day I had it quite bad. My Mum had wrote the name of the Tablets down for me but I forgot to take it with me and what with all the information I had gathered from online, I couldn't remember what they were called. All I could remember was it was something like pregnant. So was saying it is  pre something. The tablets I was actually asking for was nothing like Pregnant!! they were called Gabapentin. So he looked up a tablet that sounded like pre something and came up with Pregabalin. He checked it was o.k for me to take them and prescribed them for me. Once I got in the car and checked my note. I was so disappointed with myself as I had the wrong Tablets. I went home and googled the ones I had and they were actually so similar to the ones I wanted it was uncanny. I thought about them for a few days before I took them but then decided to give them a go and well they are my life changers. They started working straight away. I felt quite high on just one Tablet but happy and so, so chatty it was quite funny and so lovely to feel like this. They soon settled down and I have been able to get out of Bed every day and get small things done each day. I am like a completely different person. At the beginning I was very anxious that I had this new life and it could be taken away so quickly if the Tablets stopped working but after a few Weeks I got used to being able to get up each day and the anxiety wore off. It wasn't a normal life still but such a difference. I was actually able to get things done. I even managed to finish tiling the Kitchen Wall!!
That is one really sad thing about this illness. I told my Specialist the other day about tiling the Wall and he was speechless, I think because I knew how to do it rather than the fatigue thing!! I was always so able to do things. I could do anything that was needed or I would give it a bloody good try before I asked anyone to help me and now I have become ill. Sometimes I cant even get in the bath.... It is just so sad and when at my lowest this is where I go.... to remembering how able I was. How can you not get sad and depressed? Tears are coming now just writing this and I can never see this feeling going. How can you get over that?? 
Anyway getting on to a  brighter note;

Small Rainbow Tuxedo Bow's for Isabella.
A bow for every outfit :-)

Larger Twisted boutique Bow for my Friends Grandaughter's
Birthday

Larger Twisted Boutique bow. Needs more practice
but very happy with results. Took me all day to get it looking like this and hours watching the same youtube video over and over again but I love learning new things,

 I have been making bow's since my Granddaughter arrived and been practicing on bigger ones lately for when she get's older and also for a Friends Granddaughters. It is something I can do whilst resting. For a while I thought I would never get back into Crafting but now..... thankfully I am back and really enjoying it when I feel well enough. I am trying to do more resting activities. Learning to rest a lot if I have to do something physical. So I am learning at last but it is so hard as if I am having a good day all I want to get everything done whilst I can. 
So just to introduce you to my Facebook Craft page if you are into that sort of thing. It is here; Wendy's Crafts  I mainly make for friends and family but trying to make it look professional enough to sell if someone ever wanted to buy my items and to also look into making a bit of money with minimum energy :-)

Low energy and baths

Having a low energy day today which is the worst. Not much pain though which is a plus and don't get very often. It is just so hard to do anything when you have no energy.
I have managed to get into bed now and scoffed nearly a whole large bar of chocolate and you know what? .... It does make me feel better. It cheers me up because I get so sad with having to be like this and I am sure it really does help a little with pain and fatigue. I am trying to muster up enough energy to go run a bath and get in. To non sufferers this may sound silly but a bath is one of the highest energy suckers of all. The getting up and washing the bath out and running it is a nightmare. I then need to rest whilst it is running and then getting in is fabulous and the resting but getting out is so draining it is unreal. 
 I have recently been trying Epsom Salt Baths. If I make it to the bath tonight, this will be my third Epsom one. Still not too sure as to whether there are any benefits to adding the Salts. At the same time I started taking Magnesium Tablets as well. So the Two together should give me an extra boost of Magnesium which apparently most people with cfs and Fibro are low on. I can but try and hope for an improvement.
Just to add, I put in 500g of salt to my quite full bath. I have researched this and this is the correct amount. I also have some Magnesium Chloride flakes to add to Water to make some Magnesium Oil spray. These apparently are different to Epsom Salts, which are Magnesium Sulphate. **You learn something new every day :-) I have done my Homework and currently have 5kg of different Magnesium salts in my House.... I hope they work :-)
On the bright side, I designed a logo/Facebook profile picture for someone today and they loved it. I am trying to find away to earn some cash by low energy things I can do. I have been doing quite well lately. Just made a batch of fathers day Sweetie Bag toppers that sold quite well and now working on Bags of Sweets for teachers gifts. Also trying to sort measurements out for small and large Chocolate bar covers but the Chocolate keeps getting ate ha ha. Out of 3 large bars and 10ish Two finger Kitkats I have made this;

These are for my Granddaughters Christening but hoping they will be sellable :-)
Just took a break and maybe this writing things down really works as gone and washed the Bath out and my bath is currently running. I am also a whole large bar of Chocolate down now as it has all been finished :-)
Well I'm hoping my ramblings can maybe help a few people on their road with this illness or even someone who doesn't have this to understand just how hard it is living with it. Maybe it will even help myself with moving onwards and upwards. 
Going for a long Epsom Salt bath now :-)