I've been ill for over 6 years now. Well in fact longer as I was suffering as a Teenager but never realised I was ill. Just thought life was real hard.
They said it would be a slow process - recovery - but I didn't know it would be this slow!
I've learnt a lot on this journey
More about my thoughts and feelings
Self care
emotions
how to live with constant pain and fatigue ( not too well)
I've been through so many emotions.
Hate
Anger
Acceptance
I've been to see many Doctors and Specialists
And now I'm here today and for the last few months have been really strugling and I think I have relapsed. Back to the beginning.
Not so bad as I have learnt all the things above, so have a better ways to cope and a more better insight into my mind and body but I honestly never thought I would be here, back bedbound for a lot of my time and pushing to get out the house daily.
It's a bit of a shock but I'm taking it quite well.
I have so much I want to do but unable to do any of it due to my illness.
I want to
Document my time - to keep records of things I have tried and what has failed and what has worked. To try and help other people not to have to go through this but I haven't been able to do this the way I would like.
I want to earn my own money so I don't have to feel guilty anymore being ill.
I want to be the crafter that I was and make the things I can but again I am unable to do this.
I would love to get out more, meet new people, learn new things but my concentration is limited to trying to stay as well as I can. I want to teach, anything. I just love teaching and talking and sharing but at the moment this all just seems too much. I want to share ways in which I cope and design things that help making coping and getting routine. I have loads saved from what I have done to show and tell. I just cant get the energy and proper time to do this.
So I'm here for now just able to share this and hope it brings me closer to finding the strength to do this more.
I have lost a lot... mainly time. All the time resting, sleeping, trying to recuperate when I could be taking the Grandchildren out and watching them play happily in a park. We do get such great quality time together and for that I am truly blessed but I want to be the young Nanna that I am in age and run around with them, taking them on adventures. Don't get me wrong, I love our time together cuddling, watching films and playing with dollies but quite often I hear myself saying "Nanna's not too well today, so we'll just to take it easy. The thing that is so upsetting is that they understand and are so happy to do whatever I can. This is so lovely but also so heartbreaking for me.
I want to go to college and learn something new but I just don't know if I am strong enough to see it through to the end and I am fed up of not being able to complete anything.
I want to finish making all my Craft projects I have started. I'd like to be able to give friends and family handmade cards that I made. I'd like to be able to walk down the street and not loose two days after words due to pain an exhaustion. I'd like to have friends around but I am not the host I used to be. On bad days I can just literally open the door and let them in. I like to make sandwiches and cakes and have indoor picnics as lunch but I am no longer able to do that. I would like to bake and have all sorts of yummy treats to give people. I would like to do something for charity but am unable to support myself.
Wow they just flowed out of me. So many things I miss out on but still stick in there working every day at trying to get better so one day. I may be able to do all this again and so I suppose what this is, is me at rock bottom and still trying to see the positive of anything!!
The positive of this being, there is only one way to go now and I have more understanding and resources I've ever had to get there. I hope I can finally start doing what is important to me and that is documenting all I can, sharing all I learn and know and living the best life I can :)
Showing posts with label Fibromyalgia. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Fibromyalgia. Show all posts
Thursday, 6 July 2017
Wednesday, 8 June 2016
How to loose Two stone in Three months and put it back on again in Two weeks!!
Update on my life and loves;
Routine; still not there
Diet; Had an amazing detox, lost 2 stone, didn't appreciate how I was feeling. Fell off the wagon and put 1 1/2 stone back on and feeling like poo now.
Meds; Managed to get off my pain killers, Now detoxing from all other meds. In a bad place pain wise so having to take more pain meds
Positive feelings; all gone
Quick catch up
So in December I was staying away for a few days visiting friends. So I took a book my friend gave me called Medical Medium.
I have wanted to try and do a bit of reading lately but can never fit it into my day. Going away seemed like the perfect opportunity to read and it was. Once I started reading I couldn't stop. This book was amazing. It has chapters on several different illnesses and has a list of good foods and Supplements that can help "cure" these illnesses.
The guy who wrote the book believes he has a spirit that talks to him and helps diagnose peoples complaints and tells him what they can do to help get better. Now I have tried so many different things to get better,
So what I decided to do was try and buy the top 3 suggestions in each category.
As we all know supplements and diets are very expensive but I was determined to do this. So much so, it told me to juice celery every morning and have a shot!!! I hate Celery but to me it made sense if my body needed it and I hated it so wasn't eating it maybe that was what was wrong with me... anyway long story short, I followed this book and did my detox. It was hard!! very hard but I stuck it out for a full 20 days which even took me over Christmas and New Year!! For Christmas dinner I had a plate of roasted vegetables and a tiny slither of Turkey as a treat!!! Yes a treat ha ha no profiteroles for me.
I was determined to do this in the hope that I would find a cure.
I never really noticed anything different apart from the fact that juicing every morning and making a smoothy was really exhausting for someone suffering with chronic fatigue. Having to prepare meals from scratch using only natural organic products and supplements was exhausting and expensive and I never noticed my energy levels changing. In fact if anything I was more exhausted making up my meals but I did it and in the first 3 weeks I lost a stone!!! I felt good for that!!
I carried on dieting but gradually started adding a few different things in along the weeks. Eggs came first. It is amazing how delicious eggs are when you haven't ate them for a month!!
I used to make Pea, Sweetcorn, Turmeric and Sea Salt Omelettes. Sounds bland and disgusting - Looked even worse but coming off of a detox was the best thing ever!!!
After a while I started adding meat into my diet and felt a lot stronger. I was going on the rule of if my body fancies it, Let's have it as long as it isn't sugar!!
Soon as I was getting very bored of my diet and so as not to fail I introduced some gravy into my Stew's. This was like Heaven! It did have a little impact on my stomach but the taste was delicious and I found out I could live on this every night for tea and still loose some weight. I lost over 2 stone altogether and then I just seemed to stop loosing, I wasn't eating Cake and Chocolate, I was eating freshly prepared meals and no pre packaged foods. This weighed heavy on my mind. Why suffer and not feel much better, not eat all the foods I craved if I wasn't loosing weight. It really didn't seem fair.
Then May happened!! My birthday and so I allowed myself some Cake and Party food - WRONG DECISION!! I have slowly declined and fell off the wagon massively and since May have nearly put on my Two stone!! I feel huge and lifeless and bloated.
What I am trying to say here is that even though this book didn't cure me. When I was on this clean eating diet and even with the gravy, I didn't see how well I was doing. I was always focussing on the negative as I look back from my bed today I can see how well I had got. Yes I still suffered with fatigue and sometimes it was bad and I would loose a day but now I have just lost 3 all in a row and I believe it is due to my bad eating habits. I so wish I had stuck to my diet as I now have to go through the detox again and it isn't a nice place to be. Anyway although this diet from the book didn't heal me. It was an amazing way to detox and gives you some amazing insight to these different illnesses and although I am not cured I am glad this book came into my life to teach me what I have learnt and so wanted to share that with anyone it may help. Just know, It isn't going to be your magical cure but it may just help you get into a good place to get on with other things like now I am starting a journey with Bowen and going to try out forever living Aloe Gel and the way I am going to detox this time is with the clean 9. Something has to help and I am willing to try anything. If it doesn't I am happy to keep trying, learning and hoping.
I can now see a definite difference in my pain and fatigue whilst dieting. I just didn't realise it at the time!!
I will be trying to document my new journey and hope to loose my weight again and regain my energy I didn't realise I got back!!
Routine; still not there
Diet; Had an amazing detox, lost 2 stone, didn't appreciate how I was feeling. Fell off the wagon and put 1 1/2 stone back on and feeling like poo now.
Meds; Managed to get off my pain killers, Now detoxing from all other meds. In a bad place pain wise so having to take more pain meds
Positive feelings; all gone
Quick catch up
So in December I was staying away for a few days visiting friends. So I took a book my friend gave me called Medical Medium.
 |
| **Affiliate Link** |
I have wanted to try and do a bit of reading lately but can never fit it into my day. Going away seemed like the perfect opportunity to read and it was. Once I started reading I couldn't stop. This book was amazing. It has chapters on several different illnesses and has a list of good foods and Supplements that can help "cure" these illnesses.
The guy who wrote the book believes he has a spirit that talks to him and helps diagnose peoples complaints and tells him what they can do to help get better. Now I have tried so many different things to get better,
- Gluten free diet
- Dairy Free diet
- Detoxing
- Juicing
- Medical Medicines
- Herbal Medicines
- Acupuncture
- CBD therepy
- Chronic Fatigue
- Fibromyalgia
- Migraine
- Adrenal Fatigue
So what I decided to do was try and buy the top 3 suggestions in each category.
As we all know supplements and diets are very expensive but I was determined to do this. So much so, it told me to juice celery every morning and have a shot!!! I hate Celery but to me it made sense if my body needed it and I hated it so wasn't eating it maybe that was what was wrong with me... anyway long story short, I followed this book and did my detox. It was hard!! very hard but I stuck it out for a full 20 days which even took me over Christmas and New Year!! For Christmas dinner I had a plate of roasted vegetables and a tiny slither of Turkey as a treat!!! Yes a treat ha ha no profiteroles for me.
I was determined to do this in the hope that I would find a cure.
I never really noticed anything different apart from the fact that juicing every morning and making a smoothy was really exhausting for someone suffering with chronic fatigue. Having to prepare meals from scratch using only natural organic products and supplements was exhausting and expensive and I never noticed my energy levels changing. In fact if anything I was more exhausted making up my meals but I did it and in the first 3 weeks I lost a stone!!! I felt good for that!!
I carried on dieting but gradually started adding a few different things in along the weeks. Eggs came first. It is amazing how delicious eggs are when you haven't ate them for a month!!
I used to make Pea, Sweetcorn, Turmeric and Sea Salt Omelettes. Sounds bland and disgusting - Looked even worse but coming off of a detox was the best thing ever!!!
 |
| I added a bit of Ham in here!! How exciting!! |
Soon as I was getting very bored of my diet and so as not to fail I introduced some gravy into my Stew's. This was like Heaven! It did have a little impact on my stomach but the taste was delicious and I found out I could live on this every night for tea and still loose some weight. I lost over 2 stone altogether and then I just seemed to stop loosing, I wasn't eating Cake and Chocolate, I was eating freshly prepared meals and no pre packaged foods. This weighed heavy on my mind. Why suffer and not feel much better, not eat all the foods I craved if I wasn't loosing weight. It really didn't seem fair.
Then May happened!! My birthday and so I allowed myself some Cake and Party food - WRONG DECISION!! I have slowly declined and fell off the wagon massively and since May have nearly put on my Two stone!! I feel huge and lifeless and bloated.
What I am trying to say here is that even though this book didn't cure me. When I was on this clean eating diet and even with the gravy, I didn't see how well I was doing. I was always focussing on the negative as I look back from my bed today I can see how well I had got. Yes I still suffered with fatigue and sometimes it was bad and I would loose a day but now I have just lost 3 all in a row and I believe it is due to my bad eating habits. I so wish I had stuck to my diet as I now have to go through the detox again and it isn't a nice place to be. Anyway although this diet from the book didn't heal me. It was an amazing way to detox and gives you some amazing insight to these different illnesses and although I am not cured I am glad this book came into my life to teach me what I have learnt and so wanted to share that with anyone it may help. Just know, It isn't going to be your magical cure but it may just help you get into a good place to get on with other things like now I am starting a journey with Bowen and going to try out forever living Aloe Gel and the way I am going to detox this time is with the clean 9. Something has to help and I am willing to try anything. If it doesn't I am happy to keep trying, learning and hoping.
I can now see a definite difference in my pain and fatigue whilst dieting. I just didn't realise it at the time!!
I will be trying to document my new journey and hope to loose my weight again and regain my energy I didn't realise I got back!!
Wednesday, 17 June 2015
123 I'm Gluten Free.
So a few months ago I was feeling down, My down days had got worse and I was in bed again more than I was out. Something clicked in me and I decided something had to be done. I was going to start eating healthy again. Now this is easier said than done. I have always said if you are going to diet whether for health or weight. Your head must be in the right place. So, I knew the time was right and this time the diet was not for weight issues. It was to see if I could get more energy!! I knew I was going to try Gluten Free again as I had dabbled in this before and I did think my energy levels got better. What I learnt from last time is this;
It is very hard!!
Having pain, Fatigue and trying to cook every night is almost impossible.
What happens if you make these new recipe's and don't like it? You have no food and no energy left!!
This is also going to be very costly and hard work getting certain ingredients.
You really have to take it as slow as you can getting your store cupboard staples but also need so much to start. So I decided to get prepared and scoured the internet for some great Breakfast, Dinner and Evening G/F Meals. What I didn't expect was to find Deliciously Ella
*affiliate link* Ella was everywhere, How had I never heard of her before? Her book looked fantastic but I needed it now!! and it was 10pm. arghhh, but wait, when you look further she has an amazing website and ap that is full of Recipes and advise. I was extatic!! I paid for the Ap, which is just £3.99 and although I hate spending out I knew I needed an easy way to get some good quality meals and then set about finding out what I need. The good thing about Ella is that a lot of her Recipes use the same ingredients so although sound rather samey really are not. I made a huge Shopping list;
Pumpkin Seeds
Sunflower Seeds
Flax Seed
Chia Seed
Almonds
Walnuts
Cashews
Brazil Nuts
Pure Cacao Powder
Spinach
Butternut Squash
Brown Rice
Oats
G/F Pasta
Medjool Dates
Nutritional Yeast
and much much more ha ha. I put my list into sections that I knew would be more beneficial to buy as I knew I wouldn't be able to afford everything. So I knew Almond Nuts were going to be a huge buy as I wanted to make Almond Milk and Butter plus it is a staple in a lot of energy foods and snacks. One thing I didn't factor is once I got to Morrisons to do my Shop that they would have the Deliciously Ella Book on sale!!!
Oh no what to do, do I sacrifice some ingredients for a Book. Hell yes!!! haha I love Books.
So in it went to my trolley, I was so excited. It has been a huge life saver. What I didn't realise at first what I was doing was actually going on a Gluten/Vegan Rawish Free Diet. This just happened. I have since tried adding Meat and Eggs to my diet to see if I feel any different and am now back on the Gluten/vegan root for a few weeks as I am keen to see if it actually affects me and will do a post on what I have learnt.
Almonds are needed in large quantities and I use a lot of Cashews :) A good staple to buy in is also Pumpkin and Sunflower seeds :)
*affiliate links*
Ella's book is amazing and really well thought out. It has sections in her book on all the different food groups; Grains, Nuts and seeds, Pulses, Vegetables, Fruit etc and she gives really good information and nutritional advise on each. I have learnt so much about what I am eating and why I am eating it. She has her story at the beginning which is lovely to read about how she got to where she is. I am so glad I bought this book as it has helped me so much. I don't always follow the recipes as written as don't always have a lot of the items needed and I have made some really delicious foods and snacks and I want to share these with you. To maybe help you if you are on a journey like me or just to show that Gluten/Dairy free can be beautiful. My taste buds have opened and my food range has widened. Don't get me wrong it has been hard and I haven't been able to stick to it ridgedly as my illness has got in the way. It hasn't given me my miraculous recovery I was hoping for but I do think it has given me a better quality of life and made me stronger to hopefully start pushing myself more and more without crashing. I want to share this journey with you and maybe help people trying to do this themselves but I don't want this Blog to be all about illness and recipes. I also want to show the fun times I have. Times I spend with my Grandchildren and times I manage to craft. Share tips and advise and things I learn and I hope that is is exciting enough to grab you and want you to read more and follow me on my journey.
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| My Book, Well read and tagged |
So back to Ella, she has an amazing Blog and posts regularly on all different topics and is always adding recipes. The only downside I see to following Ella is that somethings she posts things that are very pricey. Some juices she Blogged about for a detox she did sounded fantastic and just what I felt I needed in my life but when I checked them out it was like £70 for a one day pick me up and I just dare not look how much a retreat stay was she wrote about was but I do totally understand if she gets given things she has to Blog about them. I know I would snatch the offer up. Also things like Medjool Dates. I started off using them because Ella rates them very highly but as the costs were rising I changed to just normal dates and although they are not as juicy, They do still work.
See the difference in price! If you can afford them definitely go for Medjool but if not normal dates with a bit of Water, Milk or Date syrup work just as well.
So with my savvy saving and Ella by my side I am hoping to be in this for the long run.
I am so excited to share my Gluten free, sometimes Dairy Free diet with you and hope you enjoy reading. xx
Tuesday, 9 June 2015
Getting back on track
Although a lot has changed in my life since my last post. The one thing that hasn't changed is wanting to write in my Blog. Sadly the thing that stops me hasn't changed much as yet and is still there but I am doing what I can. I have started just jotting things down and not worrying about publishing. Hoping that on better days I will be able to edit and post as and when. Everything I do I am thinking about posting. When I make a meal I am thinking of blogging about it. When I get to go out I am thinking of blogging about it, How I wake up in the morning I am thinking of blogging about it. Honestly everything and as I am having a few better days. I seem to have some pretty great things to blog about and don't want to miss anything. So hear goes. A quick catch up and let's see if I can get this Blog rolling.
So, I am trying a Gluten/Vegan free diet. I tried back last year and noticed a difference but never had the strength to keep it up. This time I have been on it for over 12 weeks and have learnt so much already. I hope to cover this a lot in my Blog as there is a lot to learn!!
I have started Yoga arghhhh I have so wanted to do yoga literally all my adult life but just never found the time or then was too ill but I have started. I can't manage every week but I have been 3 times and feel so proud.
I am going to start doing reviews of items I find help me in life. Be it from food or information. I need somewhere to keep everything I have learned and there is nowhere better than my Blog. Here is a sneak peek at somethings that have been helping my life :D
I am 42 now (here is my original about me post) and I feel so much more positive then when I turned 40. I have learnt so much. I still do not understand why I have had to go through this awful time and still get very bad days but I am hoping the better ones will come more often. I have learnt a lot more Crafts and although I still don't get that much time to practice them when I do I will be posting about them here and more in depth on my Wendy's Crafts Blog page.
I feel an excitement more now than I ever have in the last 4 Years which is so cool and such a nice feeling :D I hope to keep my Blog posts short, simple and easy to read and so what better place to end here and give me time to edit more posts.
Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoy. If you have any questions or suggestions on anything you feel may be suited to my Blog. Please leave a comment. Even to say Hi. Every comment I get is just amazng. Thank you.
Wendy. xx
So, I am trying a Gluten/Vegan free diet. I tried back last year and noticed a difference but never had the strength to keep it up. This time I have been on it for over 12 weeks and have learnt so much already. I hope to cover this a lot in my Blog as there is a lot to learn!!
I have started Yoga arghhhh I have so wanted to do yoga literally all my adult life but just never found the time or then was too ill but I have started. I can't manage every week but I have been 3 times and feel so proud.
I am going to start doing reviews of items I find help me in life. Be it from food or information. I need somewhere to keep everything I have learned and there is nowhere better than my Blog. Here is a sneak peek at somethings that have been helping my life :D
I am 42 now (here is my original about me post) and I feel so much more positive then when I turned 40. I have learnt so much. I still do not understand why I have had to go through this awful time and still get very bad days but I am hoping the better ones will come more often. I have learnt a lot more Crafts and although I still don't get that much time to practice them when I do I will be posting about them here and more in depth on my Wendy's Crafts Blog page.
I feel an excitement more now than I ever have in the last 4 Years which is so cool and such a nice feeling :D I hope to keep my Blog posts short, simple and easy to read and so what better place to end here and give me time to edit more posts.
Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoy. If you have any questions or suggestions on anything you feel may be suited to my Blog. Please leave a comment. Even to say Hi. Every comment I get is just amazng. Thank you.
Wendy. xx
Tuesday, 17 June 2014
Did they work?
Well not sure if it is the Epsom Salts, the writing things down or the fact that I have spent most of the last three weeks resting in bed but I feel different today. My head feels clear and although I still feel tired, I feel I may be able to push on. This is a good feeling. Three years ago, even a year ago I was unable to push on. I thought I had lost my life and was going to be bedridden for ever. My Doctor has been amazing. He has really been on this journey with me learning and listening to all the information I have found out. Looking up the Medication I have heard about that helps and once checked it out has prescribed it for me to see how I get on. I am not on huge amounts of Meds but what I do take I feel really helps me and don't think I am in a place to give them up like some people are doing. I only ever take the smallest amount possible because I react quite severely to them. Like when I was first given Codeine I just used to take half a tablet and this helped. I really don''t understand people who say they are on handfuls of Tablets but they don't do anything...... Well why take them then? I hate to discuss medication really because I think it becomes a "who takes the most" quest but it is something I need to touch on as it is a huge part of my life.
The crowning moment was when I got prescribed Pregabalin. It is quite a funny story really as my Mum also suffers with symptoms a lot like mine and has also been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. She got given Gabapentin and was having a really good time on them. Meaning she was up about and active. Feeling very well. So I went to my Doctor to tell him about these tablets and see if he thought I could try them......Well as some of you know one of the other symptoms of this illness is forgetfulness and what we call Brain Fog or Fibro fog. I get a lot of this and in particular this day I had it quite bad. My Mum had wrote the name of the Tablets down for me but I forgot to take it with me and what with all the information I had gathered from online, I couldn't remember what they were called. All I could remember was it was something like pregnant. So was saying it is pre something. The tablets I was actually asking for was nothing like Pregnant!! they were called Gabapentin. So he looked up a tablet that sounded like pre something and came up with Pregabalin. He checked it was o.k for me to take them and prescribed them for me. Once I got in the car and checked my note. I was so disappointed with myself as I had the wrong Tablets. I went home and googled the ones I had and they were actually so similar to the ones I wanted it was uncanny. I thought about them for a few days before I took them but then decided to give them a go and well they are my life changers. They started working straight away. I felt quite high on just one Tablet but happy and so, so chatty it was quite funny and so lovely to feel like this. They soon settled down and I have been able to get out of Bed every day and get small things done each day. I am like a completely different person. At the beginning I was very anxious that I had this new life and it could be taken away so quickly if the Tablets stopped working but after a few Weeks I got used to being able to get up each day and the anxiety wore off. It wasn't a normal life still but such a difference. I was actually able to get things done. I even managed to finish tiling the Kitchen Wall!!
That is one really sad thing about this illness. I told my Specialist the other day about tiling the Wall and he was speechless, I think because I knew how to do it rather than the fatigue thing!! I was always so able to do things. I could do anything that was needed or I would give it a bloody good try before I asked anyone to help me and now I have become ill. Sometimes I cant even get in the bath.... It is just so sad and when at my lowest this is where I go.... to remembering how able I was. How can you not get sad and depressed? Tears are coming now just writing this and I can never see this feeling going. How can you get over that??
Anyway getting on to a brighter note;
I have been making bow's since my Granddaughter arrived and been practicing on bigger ones lately for when she get's older and also for a Friends Granddaughters. It is something I can do whilst resting. For a while I thought I would never get back into Crafting but now..... thankfully I am back and really enjoying it when I feel well enough. I am trying to do more resting activities. Learning to rest a lot if I have to do something physical. So I am learning at last but it is so hard as if I am having a good day all I want to get everything done whilst I can.
So just to introduce you to my Facebook Craft page if you are into that sort of thing. It is here; Wendy's Crafts I mainly make for friends and family but trying to make it look professional enough to sell if someone ever wanted to buy my items and to also look into making a bit of money with minimum energy :-)
The crowning moment was when I got prescribed Pregabalin. It is quite a funny story really as my Mum also suffers with symptoms a lot like mine and has also been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. She got given Gabapentin and was having a really good time on them. Meaning she was up about and active. Feeling very well. So I went to my Doctor to tell him about these tablets and see if he thought I could try them......Well as some of you know one of the other symptoms of this illness is forgetfulness and what we call Brain Fog or Fibro fog. I get a lot of this and in particular this day I had it quite bad. My Mum had wrote the name of the Tablets down for me but I forgot to take it with me and what with all the information I had gathered from online, I couldn't remember what they were called. All I could remember was it was something like pregnant. So was saying it is pre something. The tablets I was actually asking for was nothing like Pregnant!! they were called Gabapentin. So he looked up a tablet that sounded like pre something and came up with Pregabalin. He checked it was o.k for me to take them and prescribed them for me. Once I got in the car and checked my note. I was so disappointed with myself as I had the wrong Tablets. I went home and googled the ones I had and they were actually so similar to the ones I wanted it was uncanny. I thought about them for a few days before I took them but then decided to give them a go and well they are my life changers. They started working straight away. I felt quite high on just one Tablet but happy and so, so chatty it was quite funny and so lovely to feel like this. They soon settled down and I have been able to get out of Bed every day and get small things done each day. I am like a completely different person. At the beginning I was very anxious that I had this new life and it could be taken away so quickly if the Tablets stopped working but after a few Weeks I got used to being able to get up each day and the anxiety wore off. It wasn't a normal life still but such a difference. I was actually able to get things done. I even managed to finish tiling the Kitchen Wall!!
That is one really sad thing about this illness. I told my Specialist the other day about tiling the Wall and he was speechless, I think because I knew how to do it rather than the fatigue thing!! I was always so able to do things. I could do anything that was needed or I would give it a bloody good try before I asked anyone to help me and now I have become ill. Sometimes I cant even get in the bath.... It is just so sad and when at my lowest this is where I go.... to remembering how able I was. How can you not get sad and depressed? Tears are coming now just writing this and I can never see this feeling going. How can you get over that??
Anyway getting on to a brighter note;
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| Small Rainbow Tuxedo Bow's for Isabella. A bow for every outfit :-) |
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| Larger Twisted boutique Bow for my Friends Grandaughter's Birthday |
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| Larger Twisted Boutique bow. Needs more practice but very happy with results. Took me all day to get it looking like this and hours watching the same youtube video over and over again but I love learning new things, |
I have been making bow's since my Granddaughter arrived and been practicing on bigger ones lately for when she get's older and also for a Friends Granddaughters. It is something I can do whilst resting. For a while I thought I would never get back into Crafting but now..... thankfully I am back and really enjoying it when I feel well enough. I am trying to do more resting activities. Learning to rest a lot if I have to do something physical. So I am learning at last but it is so hard as if I am having a good day all I want to get everything done whilst I can.
So just to introduce you to my Facebook Craft page if you are into that sort of thing. It is here; Wendy's Crafts I mainly make for friends and family but trying to make it look professional enough to sell if someone ever wanted to buy my items and to also look into making a bit of money with minimum energy :-)
Saturday, 14 June 2014
Where it all started :-)
About me :-)
I am a 41 Year old Granny :-)
I had my Beautiful and amazing Daughter when I was 17. She is undoubtedly the best thing that has ever happened to me :-)
She is now 23 and given me the most adorable little Grandson, Jackson he is 2 and a Granddaughter, Isabella she is 10 Months.
My Mum and Dad are the most amazing Parents you could ever ask for and my Brother is Cool, everything he does seems to do well and he has been there to help me try to succeed like him but alas I am not to be successful in Business. (I will however keep trying because I do enjoy being self Employed and Self Sufficient)
It kind of starts here;
I went to School (didn't like it)
Left School and started training to be a Hairdresser.
Had my Baby at 17 with my wonderful Boyfriend, We split up, I became a Single Parent.
I have been this for 23 Years now and although I feel I have done a bloody good job with my daughter I always had the feeling from a Teenager that life was so hard but thought that it was the same for everyone. I found it a constant struggle to get normal everyday things done in a day. Even at the age of 13 I couldn't manage a whole school day. I used to have to put my head down on my desk in class and relax, I never slept in school just needed rest but normally once I got home I did. I got teased for having naps and so felt that I was lazy. I always felt I was overweight and lazy.
Being a single parent is hard in so many ways the worst for me, apart from the fatigue was Money. I think being a mother from such a young age I never grasped the concept of finance. Being a Hairdresser, I managed to keep a few shifts in the Salon and having such a close Family I never felt bad by leaving my daughter to do this. Although I didn't leave her until she was about 5!! I was a very over protective parent ha ha
I had lots Jobs. I could never find one I felt satisfied with. I always got let down and felt used. I would go out of my way to do things for my colleagues and managers and then when I needed something there was never any help. I realise now I was expecting too much and taking things too personally. I was putting too much effort into my Job but to me it wasn't just a job it was someones business and I wanted to do the best I could to help them succeed. This leads me to a fantastic part of my life. Six Years ago I became self Employed.
My daughter had been brought up to the best of my ability and left Home with an amazing job and a Lovely Boyfriend. They had set up a wonderful and comfy Home of their own. My job was pretty much done here although I will always be there and go running if she needs anything. Soooo, I was able with the help of my parents and my Brother to set up my very own Cafe. I was super confident, Super independent and super Happy or so I thought. My Business after 3 Years had to close. I couldn't make it work financially, I was physically and mentally exhausted but couldn't see it and when it closed I had a break down. Now I hate that word as everyone has their own thoughts as to what a break down is and in my eyes I am not really sure what it is. Mine was a sleep fest. I slept for Months and my life became .........Blank. The only way I can describe it and I have only just been able to do that with having a lot of help analysing the situation, is it was just like being encased in a warm comfy see through protective ball, Travelling through life in a world of my own. Everything seeming fine and then all of a sudden the ball cracked open and I was left stranded in a Hot barren Desert island with no one or anything around in a scary, complete nothingness. I had support from my Family and a Few very good friends that I know would do anything to help me but it still felt like this and it was weird!!
I have been here in this Dessert for over Three Years now but things are slowly growing it seems, It has taken a long time and a huge Journey but sometimes it does feel like a world I could live in again and something I want to talk about.
I have been through a lot...I have had help from a Counsellor, tried CBT therapy, Tried a Pain Management Course and various People to help me. A lot of these I still haven't been able to complete due to still being too poorly. It has been a long journey but I am slowly finding out who I am and how to live with what I have and I want to talk about this, Write it down. Maybe remember it? I'm not too sure but I do know if I could help just one person going through this or similar that would be cool.
I suffer with a lot. The Three main biggies are;
Chronic Fatigue
Chronic Pain
Cluster Migraines
These along with lots of other problem are grouped together and called Fibromyalgia. I have come to hate this word Fibromyalgia because in the past it was known to be a diagnosis the Doctors and Specialists gave to patients that they didn't know what they had. Now a days though, I believe it really has a standing of it's own and is being more understood. I however still hate the word!!
The problem with Fibro is that there are so many symptoms to it and not everyone has all these symptoms. So it is very hard to diagnose and understand. For instance one of the biggest symptoms for me apart from what I have already listed above is sore Feet. Now this even makes me laugh when I say it, So I don't expect anyone to take me seriously when telling them. Hence why I rarely ever discuss it but my Feet are always so painful. From being Teenager up to the present day I have had terribly sore feet. I used to think it was because I did Hairdressing. Some days for a Hairdresser are 12 hours long and being on your Feet most of that, You can understand having sore feet but no one ever used to mention theirs. Mine would be burning and feel like they itched but couldn't be scratched. Later on in life I noticed that I still had sore feet even when not doing long hours but then of Course the Cafe opened and again I was working long hours on my Feet and suffering again. It was only since having my break down and finding out about Fibro that I found this was a symptom and everything started making sense. Unfortunately being single means I have noone to rub my feet :-( I have always been so independent and never needed a man in my life that it is only now I am understanding that there are some positives to having a partner.
I can't exactly remember how I found out about Fibro but I do remember when I fist read about it, I thought the article was talking about me. It is just like all your life your not quite sure what is going on. I used to say to myself, There has got to be something wrong with me. Life cannot be this hard. Then you just think it is and get on with it. Then one day. You find out it isn't meant to be and that you really have been ill for the past 20 odd years. You are not lazy. You are just poorly. You then go through another whole host of horrible, frightening emotions but that is something for another post. This one was just supposed to be a bit of an introduction to who I am and what I have been through. There is no way in one post I can capture the despair, pain or journey I have been on but that is what I am hoping to do in the long run. If only just for me to remember things and be able to see how things are changing and what I am learning but if I can inspire or help anyone else going through similar and you would like to join me on my Blog Journey. Then that also would be super cool :-)
I am a 41 Year old Granny :-)
I had my Beautiful and amazing Daughter when I was 17. She is undoubtedly the best thing that has ever happened to me :-)
She is now 23 and given me the most adorable little Grandson, Jackson he is 2 and a Granddaughter, Isabella she is 10 Months.
My Mum and Dad are the most amazing Parents you could ever ask for and my Brother is Cool, everything he does seems to do well and he has been there to help me try to succeed like him but alas I am not to be successful in Business. (I will however keep trying because I do enjoy being self Employed and Self Sufficient)
It kind of starts here;
I went to School (didn't like it)
Left School and started training to be a Hairdresser.
Had my Baby at 17 with my wonderful Boyfriend, We split up, I became a Single Parent.
I have been this for 23 Years now and although I feel I have done a bloody good job with my daughter I always had the feeling from a Teenager that life was so hard but thought that it was the same for everyone. I found it a constant struggle to get normal everyday things done in a day. Even at the age of 13 I couldn't manage a whole school day. I used to have to put my head down on my desk in class and relax, I never slept in school just needed rest but normally once I got home I did. I got teased for having naps and so felt that I was lazy. I always felt I was overweight and lazy.
Being a single parent is hard in so many ways the worst for me, apart from the fatigue was Money. I think being a mother from such a young age I never grasped the concept of finance. Being a Hairdresser, I managed to keep a few shifts in the Salon and having such a close Family I never felt bad by leaving my daughter to do this. Although I didn't leave her until she was about 5!! I was a very over protective parent ha ha
I had lots Jobs. I could never find one I felt satisfied with. I always got let down and felt used. I would go out of my way to do things for my colleagues and managers and then when I needed something there was never any help. I realise now I was expecting too much and taking things too personally. I was putting too much effort into my Job but to me it wasn't just a job it was someones business and I wanted to do the best I could to help them succeed. This leads me to a fantastic part of my life. Six Years ago I became self Employed.
My daughter had been brought up to the best of my ability and left Home with an amazing job and a Lovely Boyfriend. They had set up a wonderful and comfy Home of their own. My job was pretty much done here although I will always be there and go running if she needs anything. Soooo, I was able with the help of my parents and my Brother to set up my very own Cafe. I was super confident, Super independent and super Happy or so I thought. My Business after 3 Years had to close. I couldn't make it work financially, I was physically and mentally exhausted but couldn't see it and when it closed I had a break down. Now I hate that word as everyone has their own thoughts as to what a break down is and in my eyes I am not really sure what it is. Mine was a sleep fest. I slept for Months and my life became .........Blank. The only way I can describe it and I have only just been able to do that with having a lot of help analysing the situation, is it was just like being encased in a warm comfy see through protective ball, Travelling through life in a world of my own. Everything seeming fine and then all of a sudden the ball cracked open and I was left stranded in a Hot barren Desert island with no one or anything around in a scary, complete nothingness. I had support from my Family and a Few very good friends that I know would do anything to help me but it still felt like this and it was weird!!
I have been here in this Dessert for over Three Years now but things are slowly growing it seems, It has taken a long time and a huge Journey but sometimes it does feel like a world I could live in again and something I want to talk about.
I have been through a lot...I have had help from a Counsellor, tried CBT therapy, Tried a Pain Management Course and various People to help me. A lot of these I still haven't been able to complete due to still being too poorly. It has been a long journey but I am slowly finding out who I am and how to live with what I have and I want to talk about this, Write it down. Maybe remember it? I'm not too sure but I do know if I could help just one person going through this or similar that would be cool.
I suffer with a lot. The Three main biggies are;
Chronic Fatigue
Chronic Pain
Cluster Migraines
These along with lots of other problem are grouped together and called Fibromyalgia. I have come to hate this word Fibromyalgia because in the past it was known to be a diagnosis the Doctors and Specialists gave to patients that they didn't know what they had. Now a days though, I believe it really has a standing of it's own and is being more understood. I however still hate the word!!
The problem with Fibro is that there are so many symptoms to it and not everyone has all these symptoms. So it is very hard to diagnose and understand. For instance one of the biggest symptoms for me apart from what I have already listed above is sore Feet. Now this even makes me laugh when I say it, So I don't expect anyone to take me seriously when telling them. Hence why I rarely ever discuss it but my Feet are always so painful. From being Teenager up to the present day I have had terribly sore feet. I used to think it was because I did Hairdressing. Some days for a Hairdresser are 12 hours long and being on your Feet most of that, You can understand having sore feet but no one ever used to mention theirs. Mine would be burning and feel like they itched but couldn't be scratched. Later on in life I noticed that I still had sore feet even when not doing long hours but then of Course the Cafe opened and again I was working long hours on my Feet and suffering again. It was only since having my break down and finding out about Fibro that I found this was a symptom and everything started making sense. Unfortunately being single means I have noone to rub my feet :-( I have always been so independent and never needed a man in my life that it is only now I am understanding that there are some positives to having a partner.
I can't exactly remember how I found out about Fibro but I do remember when I fist read about it, I thought the article was talking about me. It is just like all your life your not quite sure what is going on. I used to say to myself, There has got to be something wrong with me. Life cannot be this hard. Then you just think it is and get on with it. Then one day. You find out it isn't meant to be and that you really have been ill for the past 20 odd years. You are not lazy. You are just poorly. You then go through another whole host of horrible, frightening emotions but that is something for another post. This one was just supposed to be a bit of an introduction to who I am and what I have been through. There is no way in one post I can capture the despair, pain or journey I have been on but that is what I am hoping to do in the long run. If only just for me to remember things and be able to see how things are changing and what I am learning but if I can inspire or help anyone else going through similar and you would like to join me on my Blog Journey. Then that also would be super cool :-)
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